September 7, 2009

Approach Amazon’s warehouse as you would the back gate of Area 51

Dear Gerald: As we continue our probing of things mysterious and esoteric, I am struck by the embarrassment of riches that each new day seems to provide. Who knew, for example, that Amazon’s high-tech warehouses now constitute (temporarily) an impregnable secret facility more guarded than Fort Knox? In an unprecedented open letter to the world, widely-admired Amazon CEO and founder Jeff Bezos describes the security precautions now in place for its hoard of printed copies of Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol: “The book remains so deeply under wraps that we’ve agreed to keep our stockpile under 24-hour guard in its own chain-link enclosure, with two locks requiring two separate people for entry.” One can, in addition, almost picture such further deterrents as razor wire, booby traps, vicious dogs and guards sporting machine pistols. I think we should stay away, if possible.

As if that wasn’t enough, there is the political earthquake that has just hit Japan, with the overturning of fifty years of LDP rule. All the pundits are saying that things won’t ever be the same again in Japan. Perhaps they’re right if the new Prime Minister’s wife’s remarks offer any hint of things to come. Miyuki Hatoyama is by profession a “life composer” (i.e., lifestyle consultant) who makes her own clothes and who can even do a credible mimic version of Michael Jackson’s moonwalk. More interestingly, she seems to have gone on record about her alien abduction incident some years ago. According to the new First Lady, “While my body was sleeping, I think my spirit flew on a triangular-shaped UFO to Venus. It was an extremely beautiful place and very green.”

I think we’re in for an interesting season. Yours, Stephen